Please, Moms! It's Not A Competition - It's Life.

This past Monday, I was on The Morning Blend with another blogger, Amber from Milwaukee by Storm, and we were discussing the choices women make being stay-at-home moms vs. working moms with Molly Fay and Tiffany Ogle. This conversation stemmed from an article written by a mom who had chosen to stay home with her children and later regretted that decision because of her loss of time, income, and advancement in her field. It was a little difficult to relate to this woman in the sense that she felt her decision, made so many decades prior when her children were young, was the wrong decision. First of all, I have never been a person who dwells on regrets or past decisions, whether they were good or bad, because honestly, I cannot go back and change those choices. Second of all, I don’t view my job as a mom as a “hobby” (or something I just “wanted” to do, quoted by Lisa Endlich Heffernan), but as a vocation that I have chosen to accept and love through all the ups and downs. It’s through those ups and downs that I learn many lessons and in the end my goal by staying home is to raise morally good, honest, and up-standing citizens. This is why I view motherhood as a vocation, no matter whether you stay home or work, because it is our duty to raise not only our children, but to teach them how to eventually function in this world as adults when we are no longer here. For me, I believe it is in my best interest and the best interest of my family to stay home when the children are young and most needy, but this doesn’t work for everyone.

Now I am not saying that all women are meant to stay home with their children, but as moms (and as society in general) we need to learn that there shouldn’t be a competition with stones cast towards working moms vs. moms who stay home. The author of the article stated that she felt her decision to stay home with her children for so many years had “let down” countless women who had fostered the feminist movement in those generations prior towards breaking that glass ceiling. I don’t feel like I have “let down” any women from previous generations by choosing to stay home. I am appreciative for their fight to bring women into the workplace, but I also don’t think they would be happy knowing that we (as women) have pushed ourselves into a corner that no longer gives us the opportunity or dignity to stay home without feeling like a failure and having regrets. We have turned their social battle into a battle between mothers, mothers who work vs. mothers who stay home, and this is quite sad. The worst part is that us, as women, have created this battle amongst ourselves. It isn’t the men to blame, it is the women. Yes, those are strong words, but it is the truth. We, as women, have guilted ourselves about everything instead of making a choice, living with that choice, and learning to love our vocation no matter what it is, whether single, married, staying home, or being a working mom. 

There shouldn’t be categories or labels amongst us, we are all women, trying to do our best in this crazy world to succeed. The beauty of it all, is that we all have different definitions of success and we need to accept this philosophy. Some people view success in the terms of materialism, monetary gain, or personal achievement. While others view success upon family life, community involvement, and an interior personal growth without pomp and circumstance. Or you might view all of these as successful goals. Whatever your definition of success may be, it shouldn’t be questioned by others, especially if they don’t understand it. A woman may feel successful as she advances in her career and thereby receives a better pay check, but another woman may view her success based on her child's school play or having a home-cooked meal every night for a month, but none of these circumstances should be down-played, because they are crucial goals towards the development and harmony of society. We cannot all be successful in exactly the same way, just like we don’t all have the same God-given talents, which is the beauty and dignity of the human race.

I apologize for this ramble, but I do feel passionately about this topic, especially since I have seen women on both sides struggle with feelings of guilt, failure, lack of self-worth, and being overwhelmed in keeping up with societal expectations. It's time that we as women, especially moms, learn to appreciate each other through our faults and through our talents. We are all in this together, working tirelessly for our families, while trying to keep afloat. Instead of making this a competition between moms who work and moms who stay home, let's support each other through thick and thin, because we all are working to raise the next generation!

The amazing Amber from milwaukeebystorm.com. 

One of the guest bloggers hosting the Milwaukee Mommas' Night Out with Elm Grove Art!

Join us for a Milwaukee Mommas' Night Out at Elm Grove Art!

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Today is the Day!

Everyday is a day for new beginnings. A day to start a new adventure. Well, today is the day that Katy and I are beginning another new adventure, and that new wild ride is the start of our blog, Kate and Danielle! This year has definitely been a year for new beginnings, the start of phases in life for both of us together as friends, business partners, and on our own personal levels. This mix of ups and downs, sideways hurdles, and top over bottom turn-overs has warranted the start of this blog. A place where we can write not only as business owners and partners, but a place where we can come mostly as friends, mothers and women to express our concerns, our love for life, our passion for business, and our children!

@MeganRammingerPhotography

@MichelleCascioPhotography

For those of you who don't know me, my sweet husband and I are expecting baby #4 in the next couple weeks. Yes, our lives are a bit crazy right now, but in the best way possible. I have been extremely blessed with a man who is manly in every sense of the word, knows how to care for our family, patiently loves our children, and adores me though all my faults (and yes, I have a lot of them). Our dear daughter, the oldest, is such a huge help and loves to be right in the middle of planning, organizing, and sometimes bossing the other boys around. The boys, well they are boys. They are full of life, energy, with the desire to explore, climb, play in the dirt, and just be boys, which is such a joy to watch them approach life much differently than their sister. 

#1 and #3

After working a full-time legal job, my husband and I decided it was best for our family that I stay home after the birth of our first child. This was one of the best decisions I have ever made, after marrying dear hubby, of course! :) Being a stay-at-home mom isn't an easy job, nor is it the toughest one either, just like many others, it has challenges, but I have found throughout the years that these challenges are extremely rewarding, more than I could've ever imagined. I find new hurdles and yet new rewards each day from my vocation and I wouldn't ask for anything different!

Katy (best friend and business partner) and I have always loved a new challenge and have definitely had our fair share, even sometimes seeking them out ourselves...don't ask! We have accomplished a lot over the years, including writing a book, and having it published in 2013 (Provocative Manners: The Sauce of Life), planning events together (she's the event planner and I have owned a specialty floral company for 9 years), organizing moms groups, and this year opening an art studio in the Milwaukee Metro area, but most importantly we have become the dearest of friends. I view her as the sister I never had and I have been most fortunate that our paths crossed just at the right time. We compliment each other extremely well, to the point where most people don't understand it. Katy has become a friend who I can count on through thick or thin, not only in the everyday happiness and struggles of life, but someone who has every bit of my best interest at heart. 

I apologize, this post has become much longer than I anticipated, but at least I filled it with fun pictures, right? I truly hope you follow us as Katy and I pave the way through our busy lives as mothers and business women. I hope to keep it light-hearted, but also touch on topics close to many of us as wives, mothers, friends, career women, and how to get through this beautiful world as gifted human beings. Follow us, as we juggle and love our lives each week, just like all women dreaming, searching, and living through those everyday adventures!

Facts About Me!

Favorite Things:

My husband and children (the loves of my life), bedtime for the little ones and spending quality time with my husband (sans kids), warm cups of coffee (yes, I may have an addiction), old movies (especially musicals, I can't get enough of Easter Parade or Singing in the Rain), sushi, spicy Portuguese dishes, all sweets (well, I guess I am a food lover!), and the ability to help others in need.

Pet Peeves:

Having to stop for gas (I know, I know, this can't be helped), looking for lost soccer gear and dance shoes (I give up!), re-folding the same basket of clothes for a 2nd or 3rd time in a day), chewing with one's mouth open (I sound like a broken record at the dinner table with the kids), chipped nail polish, and lack of common-sense.

First Celebrity Crush:

Fred Astaire, Cary Grant, and Gregory Peck! What can I say, I have a thing for the oldies but the goodies?

Go-To Drink:

Red wine (specifically a fabulous Pinot Noir) or Tequila Sunrise for cocktails.

Favorite Books:

Hands-down Pride & Prejudice, I'm a huge Jane Austen fan in every sense of the word. After that, I have a long list, way too long to list now. A short list would include anything written by Wilkie Collins, Charles Dickens, Margaret Atwood, Cecila Ahern, Willa Cather, and Agatha Christie.

Welcome to the Kate and Danielle Blog

Constructive Criticism v. Destructive Criticism

Written By: Danielle Silva Heckenkamp

How do you deal with criticism?

Is there a certain type of personality that deals with criticism better than others?

We all know that critical opinions are a fact of life and oftentimes they can be given in a charitable and constructive way, but then again they can also be used as a defense or barrier for others to hide behind. We are all willing to dish out the critical comments, but more times than not, it is extremely difficult to acknowledge them, let alone accept them.

It is a trait of human beings to pounce on any and every opportunity when it comes to judging others. It either makes us feel better about ourselves or helps us justify our actions by comparing and  contrasting our virtues and vices. It should not be this way! It is easy to dish out the critical comments but it is another thing to accept them as constructive.

There is definitely a difference between constructive and destructive criticism. A person who has secure beliefs and a high level of self-esteem will be able to notice the difference. They will be able to take those constructive comments and put them to good use by improving any mistakes, but those who are unwilling to appreciate such well-meant opinions will struggle for the rest of their lives barely floating above the tide.

Four Ways to Determine Whether a Criticism is Constructive or Destructive

1.  If the comment made critically points out personal flaws of a person only with the intention to showcase failures then this is destructive criticism.

2. If the feelings of other people are not part of the consideration process when expressing an opinion, then it is most definitely destructive criticism. 

3. If the opinions are charitable, but firm, then this correction has validity and is a form of constructive criticism.

4.  If the comment makes a suggestion and then provides a tangible solution, it is an excellent form of constructive criticism.