As a Mom, I Refuse to Have a Five Year Plan

It's very hard for me not to plan. I am a planner by nature with my overly A-type personality. I like lists, upon lists, upon lists, and I enjoy completing each task only to cross it off the list. But if I have learned one thing from being a mother, it is the appreciation for time. In college I was always looking towards my five year plan, until my five year plan changed and I created a new five year plan. Every interview after college posed this question to me, but there were many times when it seemed unrealistic. Even my "go-getter" personality questioned our need to continually plan, instead of living in the moment. But I assumed, my apprehension was just a fear of not completing my proposed five year plan.

Now that I have a family with a wonderful husband and four little blessings, there is no need for a five year plan. Yes, we plan for a loving home for the children, and to provide good schooling, but overall, we have no idea where we will be in five years. Each and every day is a gift. Where I am today, is not where I was last year or anywhere I expected to be. Last year at this time, I had a newborn baby and was suffering with postpartum depression. By the grace of God, a supportive husband, the love of my children, and an amazing friend, I got through it and learned many lessons in the process. I had never expected that within a year we would sell our home and be in the process of building a new home to fit our growing family. Life definitely throws us curve balls, but this is what I have learned to accept and also love. I have found comfort in knowing that I don't have control of each and every aspect of my life - interestingly enough, this gives me consolation. Each day brings new joys and new challenges, but I am blessed to have another day with my family and friends and to accept each season of my life.

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So for all of you who already decorated for Christmas and are focusing on the month of December. Yes, there are lights already lights up in our neighborhood. I refuse to fall in with the norms of society, I will be the contrarian. November is the month where I can enjoy these last remnants of fall weather, a time when my children can still play outside without having to bundle up in multiple layers, a time when I can enjoy my pumpkin spice latte (don't ruin this for me, people), a time for me to prepare for the season of Advent that is about to come before Christmas, and a time for me to enjoy each day as a wife, a mother, a friend, and a fighter, because I refuse to look too far into the future. As we all know, none of us can predict the outcome. So let's be like out dear, sweet children and enjoy the moments, because they are much shorter than we realize, especially if we are always preparing for the next best thing. What will be left if the next best thing never comes?

Closing Out The Month of October with Big Changes

I don't know about you, but October has been quite a month. Typically, I love this month as I watch the change of the seasons - the chill fall air as it becomes sweater season and while I attempt those fun fall festivals with the kids. This October was different, and I am quite happy the month has finally come to a close. With the end of the month, we also finalized the sale of our home and completed a temporary move while we build our new house. These many life changing events are exhausting and I look forward to quieter days over the next several months before we have to move again. In the midst of all this chaos, I realized how little time I have to care for myself. Most moms are guilty of this and it's time that we change it.

I have come to a point in my life, with four kids, where I don't miss the weekly ladies' nights or the weekend getaways. Don't get me wrong, I would definitely love to do those again in the future, but right now, I'm happy at home getting the rambunctious kids to bed and then relaxing on the couch watching a show with my husband or pouring over a good book.

When it comes to New Year Resolutions, I have always believed they are a bunch of promises waiting to be broken. I believe in daily commitments to our family and friends, while also renewing our personal and spiritual goals. This is where I have been lacking, and where so many other moms are also feeling lost. We go through each day attending to the needs of our family, and by the time bedtime comes, we have little energy left to renew our depleted selves. This needs to change!

As women, and especially as mothers, we need to focus on ourselves, because when we eat healthy and exercise, our children desire to do the same. When we spend moments reading a new book, our children will seek to imitate our search for learning. When we spend moments in quiet reflection, our children will also desire this peace of mind and soul. Each of us is so occupied with our family, that we forget how important the mother's role is beyond just her service. Mothers show the love and they provide the protection. Mothers are the mediator and also the observer. How can anyone provide all these roles without caring for oneself also?

Enjoying a few last views at our old home.

With the end of a month, and the beginning of a new month, it is time to focus on ourselves while also caring for our families.

• Enjoy these last few weeks of fall weather and spend the afternoon outside enjoying the gift of nature. Teach those little ones how blessed we are for green grass and the beautiful sun.
• There is a time for work and a time for play. Sometimes the laundry can wait, but other times it cannot. Find the right balance.
• Remember that you are raising the next generation. What an amazing, yet daunting task! Take time to read. As mothers, we should also desire to learn new things. If we are learning and growing, our children will desire to do this also.
• Organization and Balance. Find what works best for you. Some moms have a weekly meal plan, while others like to cook on the spur of the moment. Some moms have a weekly cleaning schedule, while others clean as needed. None of us are the same, so find what works best with your family, but make a firm commitment to maintain a healthy and happy home.

When It's Time To Accept The Change Of The Seasons

This past weekend was more difficult than I expected. It has been almost 10 years since I founded my floral design company. This business was truly a work of the heart as I built it from the ground up, mostly by word-of-mouth. Those personal referrals were the best. I had never been formally trained in flowers, but I realized quickly that I loved working with them. What better job than designing a masterpiece out of God's beautiful creations? But as my husband and I welcomed more children into the family, my time became limited, and instead of enjoying my life as a mom, I was becoming frustrated with the little ones and frustrated with my lack of time to design flowers. I shouldn't be surprised anymore by God's sense of humor, because just when my business was exploding, I decided through many hard lessons, that it was time to close the doors. I needed to focus on the little ones and their needs above the needs of my brides. These days and years are just so short, I don't want to miss these crazy moments!

I truly admire the women who can do it all - the family, the career, the social life, and personal time, but I am just not one of those women. I can definitely stretch myself thin and still survive, but I don't want that type of life. So I have learned that through every phase in life, it is time to accept some things and give up others and right now I choose to give up my entrepreneurial aspirations for my family - except my writing, I need my writing! It was difficult to let go, especially since I can be a controlling person, but I can always start up the company again in the future. Nothing needs to be final, after all, there are so many phases in life. Just like the season for apple picking (which we did over the weekend). All fruits and vegetables have their own special seasons, so do the seasons of our lives. Change is good - it's just difficult to accept sometimes!

It was difficult for me to give up a company I had worked so hard to grow, but it was time. I can still get my flower design fix by creating arrangements for our church, but I do have a sense of relief that there will be no more weddings in my near future. Instead, I will have much more time with the family, sewing my quilts (a hobby I haven't tapped into for many years), time for school functions, church events, and of course, my writing. Ultimately, if I am not working towards the good of my entire family, then I am working towards nothing, because my greatest gifts are my husband and my children and if I don't treasure them first, then nothing else matters.

When It's Time for Chocolate - Katherine Hepburn Brownies

There are just some days when my sweet tooth takes over and I.MUST.HAVE.CHOCOLATE! I found the most delicious brownie recipe, and then tweaked it to fit my own style. You will definitely want to try these Katherine Hepburn Brownies for your next dinner party, work treat, or even afternoon snack. My kids couldn't get enough of these, I will need to make these again soon!

I love gooey brownies, so I removed the walnuts from the original recipe.

These brownies were baked in muffin tins.

There's something special about powdered sugar sprinkled over a delicious brownie - so I added my own special touch

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything" ~ Katherine Hepburn

Monday is Momday - Thanks to Cat & Nat!

Thanks to the fabulous moms who invented the hilarious #MOMTRUTH Fridays (or is it Friyays, am I too old to say that?), Cat & Nat, I decided to share a bit of their humor from this morning's live video. Did you know that Mondays are now Momdays? Thank you, Ladies, for my new favorite day of the week!

Cat & Nat

Photo Credit: Facebook Profile

• Momdays are now the days that I can drink as many cups of coffee, without guilt, just to survive the heaping loads of laundry that have piled from who knows where over the weekend.

• Momdays are now the days that I will never get a nap in, because my two year old still has energy leftover from the weekend.

• Momdays are now the days that I just want to sit and eat cookies, but my 11 month old needs to nurse and snuggle... I can't resist that. Afterthought, I should eat cookies and nurse!

• Momdays are now the days I wake up earlier to pack the kids' lunches, because for some reason, I just can't get my act together on a Sunday night. Drink wine with my husband and watch Netflix or pack lunches, what would you choose?

• Momdays are now the days that I need at eat at least 6 meals, because all weekend was spent on my feet with the four little ones and I forgot that food gets me through those days.

• Momdays are now the days that the refrigerator needs to be restocked, because grocery shopping on the weekend is for the birds!

• Momdays are the days that I must suffer through a whining 2 year old, who found his pacifier over the weekend and kept it in his pocket. Now it's time to take it away, again, for the third week in a row...

• Momdays are the the days that I have all the best intentions to keep my meal plan schedule. Don't ask about it by Wednesday night. Anyone want Mac & Cheese?

• Momdays are the days that I pray for little homework, because it's the only night without activities or family commitments. Family dinners are always chaotic, but one of my favorite times of the day! Yes, please!

• Momdays are sometimes the saddest days, because I only have two out of the four children at home with me.

• Momdays are now my favorite day, because at the start of every new week I get to wake up my sleeping children to give them kisses and I am so grateful for this awesome vocation called, MOTHERHOOD!

And that's my Momday Monday! Enjoy your week!

Please Excuse My Social Absence

            It’s not you, it’s me. No, really, it’s me. My famous last words, or more like my personal motto for the past several years – one that I was not always proud of, but one that I have learned to accept. As a mother of four children, my schedule has changed quite drastically since the birth of baby #1. With the first two children, life was relatively carefree. "Carefree" in a loose definition of the word. Yes, there were struggles; I learned how to breastfeed my babies, while also adjusting to the lack of sleep, but for the most part, life was simple. There was still plenty of time to meet friends for morning coffee, lunch, and even pedicures. It was relatively easy to find a babysitter for two kids, or even bring them along. But as each beautiful new baby joined our family, adjustments were made and it became difficult for me with four little ones to accept social invitations.

            Everyday tasks that had once been easy, now needed much more planning and occupied double the time with four children at my heels. I wanted desperately to visit with friends and have non-interrupted moments while discussing a book in a mom’s group, but this was not my world any longer and I needed to accept it. I dreamed of a night out with my friends, sans kids. It wasn’t easy to put myself first anymore, actually there was no time for myself, especially with an on-demand nursing baby. I always had good intentions, but when the clock started ticking and it was only an hour or two before meeting friends, I was just too exhausted. It sounded more enticing to get these little ones to bed and enjoy a quiet evening home with my husband. It’s not you, it’s me.

There reaches a point in every mom’s life when it is no longer easy to leave the house with those little bundles of joy. For some moms, the magic number might be one, for others it might be three, but for me it was four. I am still in awe of those supermoms who take all five children out for dinner. I salute, YOU! I just wasn’t one of those supermoms and the thought of bringing my four children, three of them rambunctious boys, out to a girls' lunch felt like a daunting task. So I decided it was best not to risk the potential failure.

It wasn’t easy for me to pass on these social invitations. Those “good times” with my friends had at one time been memorable, now I just couldn’t get myself out the front door. Caring for my wonderful children all day long was exhausting and there was very little energy to muster up for myself. I was upset at myself that I couldn’t juggle it all. Why didn’t my little ones want to spend a quiet morning at the coffee shop nibbling on a pastry? Then I had an awakening – I wanted to stay home with my little family. I preferred to stay home and make breakfast with those little happy faces rather than getting everyone packed up and to the coffee shop by 8:00 a.m.

            So for all of those frustrated women that rarely see their “mom friends". It really, truly isn’t you, it’s just the way of motherhood. Don’t stop the invitations, because one day, that mom will be able to find the energy after a long day and sleepless night to spend much needed time with her close friends. She will finally find a night to have a little bit of “me time.”

Friendship may be a two-way street, but my children bring an entirely different perspective. There will be one day when I can fulfill each one of those social obligations that I once loved, but for now I am quite content spending these fleeting moments with my children while they are still young. I don't want to miss these carefree days of childhood.

    

The Building Blocks of Childhood

I am a strong believer in children learning to play on their own. Developed imaginations are so incredibly important, from this children will learn how to be creative as adults. So, I strongly encourage this in my little ones.

Now that the two older children are at school for full days (which I still can't believe), there's much more time for me to spend one on one with the younger boys. I forgot how much I can do with only two children at my feet. Our new found time has been spent on long walks, scavenger hunts, bike rides, and creative play. We pulled out these fun cardboard blocks that Santa delivered last Christmas and built several forts, castles, a bridge, dinner, and even a birthday cake!

I love to watch the boys use their imagination to create new worlds with these ALEX Blocks. We finished our day of play with ice cream cones for everyone!

Imaginative plays allows the child to use all five senses, that teaches children how to become miniature inventors. Maybe your child will be an architect, fashion designer, engineer, or musician. Help your child view the world in a positive way by the process of imaginative and creative play.

Sending Them Off To School With A Mother's Love

Just when I thought life might get a little easier with the two oldest in school for the full day, it actually got harder. I assumed having two out of the four kids at school for an entire day would make my life easier. I was wrong. It might be a little less noisy in the house, but my two older children, who have extremely creative imaginations are no longer here to keep the two year old and 10 month old occupied with games of house, kitchen, or castle building. Now my two year old needs even more attention than before, how is that possible? Because he wasn't needy enough before? It's nice to spend more quality time with the two younger boys, but I also have laundry to finish, floors to wash, and furniture to dust. And honestly, no, it can't wait until tomorrow, because we also have our house on the market. So who knows when the next showing will be requested.

Megan Ramminger Photography

I'm blessed to  have my children at an amazing school where I know they are taken care of, because it definitely isn't easy handing them over everyday. I truly thought giving up the reins would be easier as they grew older and became more independent, but it's not. It's sad realizing that I'm not needed as much as I used to be by those two silly ones. Then I get brought back to reality when the 10 month old starts crying because he's tired and hungry. Luckily, all my children are still very young and I have a lot of time left with those smiling faces. As much as I love the daily structure of school, I am already missing those carefree summer days. And it hasn't even been a week!



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The Innocence of Motherhood

I watch my seven year old daughter everyday as she tries to do everything "mother-like", as she talks about becoming a mom one day. This firecracker child of mine describes into great detail how she will organize her children's playroom, or what food she will cook for them and I can't help but smile. I love the innocence. Looking back, I had this same innocence at her age. I loved the thought of staying home and caring for my family. Of course, I had no idea what was truly involved with this scenario, but I was just like her - dreaming of motherhood. I would play house everyday, even several times a day, with my younger brothers. I was always the mother, just like my little girl.

Megan Ramminger Photography

Now, as I watch her play and talk about being a mom, I realized that I have tainted my own idea of motherhood and I need to return to those innocent days. Not that it will ever be the same as "playing house", but why can't I have fun daydreaming about my children's future playroom in the house we are going to build, or why can't I love to cook dinner, just like I did when I was 14 years old? Life doesn't have to be full of meaningless and dreadful tasks. Instead of shuddering at the thought of doing a load of laundry or making beds, I need to go back to those days of innocence.

The horrors of the world and adulthood may have tainted my view of motherhood for a bit, but it won't take precedence anymore. I am determined to go back to those beautiful days of motherhood. This approach won't make my work load any lighter, but it will make it more enjoyable for myself and my family. So instead of allowing myself to get caught up in this fast-paced world, I am choosing to spend my moments with my family. This beautiful innocence of motherhood will now be part of my life once again.

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Letting Go of My Organized Life

There are so many phases of life and each one brings many changes and unforeseen circumstances. Growing up, small children dream of adulthood, and they envision the thought of getting older to be fun and adventurous, and even though there is some truth to this, there is definitely not that level of carefree blindness that many anticipate.

My whole life has been planned, pretty much by myself, it's just my personality. This is a strong characteristic of my choleric temperament. I love to plan my days, my weekends, and even envision the next five years. Yes, I am one of those nerds who enjoys buying a pocket calendar and happily keeps a record of each upcoming month. Prior to four children this portable calendar probably wasn't necessary, but now it is a crucial part of my day, no longer just a cute accessory. Honestly, how could anyone keep an entire family's schedule only in their head?

Lily Pulitzer Calendar

My overly scheduled A-type personality, brought quite an adjustment into adulthood, in more particular, motherhood. I am not referring to the transition from college into a career, because those were the glory years. That was a time when I could try new things, enjoy my life with my husband. Those "honeymoon" years brought beautiful children, the opportunity to stay home with the kiddos, and many other exciting adventures. The difficulty came when I realized that it was impossible to plan out my life. Extremely structured schedules were just not possible with many small children. Schedules were needed with the children, but flexibility was paramount. My once perfectly planned schedule was now a thing of the past. I was only trying to stay above the rising tide and sometimes completely forgot about that little pocket calendar, until I missed an important appointment or meeting. A bit of humility never hurt anyone...

It was at this same time that I realized I needed to let go. Life was hard, really hard with small children, but neither would I trade any of it for the whole world, not even for my perfectly organized pocket calendar. I didn't need to be organized or right on schedule, even though it still drives me bananas when we are running late. What I needed was to start enjoying the life. A life full of chaos, happiness, frustrations, and pure exhaustion. This was the good life and it was only until I let go of that little pocket calendar (an overly structured schedule) that life began to have more meaning. I was able to focus more on my husband and my family, instead of the plans for the weekend. My daughter has this "planner" type of personality, which is a great trait, but I have also reminded her (and myself) that it's important to be flexible and let go!

I Am Living the American Dream

No matter what any celebrity, politician, or media source may want me to believe, I truly am living the American Dream. This might not be the same dream my grandparents sought after or even the dream from the Baby Boomers Generation, but this is my dream. Not everyone's dream is the same, and this is what makes America great. Unfortunately, many Americans are searching for a superficial dream. At one time, parents worked to create a better life for their children. A life where their children would develop an understanding of moral and natural law. A life where their children would glow with pride at the sight of the American Flag - true model citizens.  Those dreams didn't involve new sports cars, designer clothing, and countless extracurricular sports activities. Parents were not so much worried about raising sensitive toddlers, rather their goal was to raise independent, strong, and responsible adults for the good of society.

Now that the "American Dream" has changed to unrealistic proportions, people automatically assume that it is dead, but this is far from the truth. The concepts of beauty and truth have become clouded to most of society. Instead of searching for everlasting forms of happiness, many people search for fleeting moments of happiness, whether that's a new car, the latest IPhone, a designer pair of shoes, giving into the Starbucks addiction, overnight celebrity status, laying around on a couch taking selfies,or fulling a personal void of loneliness with extravagant vacations. There is nothing wrong with these luxuries, as long as they are accepted in moderation. Our lives are not meant to be one long vacation. To earn these vacations and overpriced coffees, we must be willing to work for them.  If you believe these items fulfill your American Dream, then you are a bit misguided. It will be very difficult to find true happiness and inner peace with these destructible goods - you will never have enough.

If we begin to live like generations past, we will find the American Dream. My husband and I are living our American Dream. Is life perfect? Absolutely not, but who's life is? Instead of living for ourselves, we are living for our children. Family is what matters. We can't take any of these items with us when we die, but we can leave bits of ourselves with our children. Small precious memories that they can pass on to their children. Memories of having a water balloon fight in summer, growing a garden together, baking cookies, and writing thank you letters for birthday presents - these are small pieces of a bigger puzzle. Children will lose count of how many presents they open or how many shopping trips they make take, but they will never forget memories. This to me is the American Dream.

I am blessed with a beautiful life. After graduating from college and then working as a Paralegal, I stayed home after my husband and I had baby #1. What an amazing opportunity I was given. During that same time I also owned and operated three small businesses, wrote and had my first book published with my best friend, all while raising my children at home. Even through all those great experiences, I realized that I only wanted to be home with the little ones. I wanted my children to become model citizens, who work to better this beautiful country not only for themselves, but for everyone and for future generations. I am living my American Dream.

Not all of us have the same dream. Some Americans work extremely hard each day to further a corporate career, or run a small business, while others are striving to make ends meet at a minimum wage job. No matter or position in life, we can all strive for the American Dream. Very few women around the world are given any of those opportunities, they are trying to survive each day by getting food on the table for their family. We have been blessed with so much in America, but if our dream has become superficial and based upon personal achievements and money, then we are destined for failure, because true and everlasting happiness can never be bought. The beauty of the American Dream lies in our hearts. We choose what paths to follow, and we must live with those consequences. Don't waste a precious moment. Life is too short. Start creating your American Dream!

Slow Down for Summer Memories

There's something special about the month of July. I have an obnoxious love for the hot summer months, maybe it's my Portuguese blood or my dread of coats. I'm not quite sure, but whatever the reason I wish this month would last forever.

Every summer seems to fly by, but this summer has been different. My children and I are calling this our Summer of Adventures. It all started when I decided it was time to slow down and enjoy these special months with the kids. The past few years, my two older children had spent part of the time in summer school, which was a double-edged sword. It gave them a chance to learn German, French, and Kindergarten basics, but it also broke up our day. Between summer school and naps for the little ones, there wasn't much time left for any adventures. The word "adventures" causes a bit of anxiety with my choleric temperament, but I learned a long time ago from my best friend, that "adventures" make this life special and they are even more important for kids. Adventures create memories.

After spending many months cooped up with a crying baby number four during the cold winter months, I decided this summer would be one big adventure with the kids. Not every day includes an out of this world memorable moment, because honestly, most of the days are only full of simple activities, but the best part is doing them together as a family and with friends. Where will your next adventure take you this summer?

Photo Credit: Megan S

1. Just Drive & Discover - Take a drive and visit a new place. Drive until you want to stop. This was our goal last week. I need to get my wedding band resized and instead of coming back home right away, we ended up an hour north of the city and discovered small Wisconsin towns. It was actually more relaxing than I thought. The kids did fight a little in the car, but stopping in a small town to play at the park was unforgettable. My kids had the entire park to themselves, except a grandfather pitching to his granddaughter. I felt like I was living the dream.

2. Catch Up - Many of us Wisconsinites hide in our homes during the long long months of winter, but summer is the time to catch up with friends. Every week we are planning on visiting new and old friends for a few hours of carefree playtime.

3. Soak Up the Summer Sun - I can never have enough sun and this summer we are spending as much time outside as possible. We have done everything from painting rocks, swimming, chalk coloring, gardening, house repairs, catching fireflies, and water fights. The more I step out of my comfort zone, the more the children also want to try new things. My oldest son decided the best way to spend an afternoon was to examine a dead ant for over an hour. (Whatever makes you happy, buddy!)

Photo Credit: Megan S.

The options are limitless for these amazing summer months and I don't even want to think about them ending. For now, I am going to appreciate these amazing moments with my sweet kiddos. One of my favorite holidays is this weekend and we plan on living it up with Farmers Markets, Parades, Fun Fest, Fireworks, Family Parties, and much more! Yes, I love the Fourth of July. God Bless America!

Written By: Danielle Silva Heckenkamp

Living in the Moment - Not in the Future

I'm here to let you know, that I'm all in. All in for what, you may ask? I'm all in for life, for my life! I'm very much a goal orientated person, and I thrive on a challenge and achieving the end result, but I also have a choleric temperament, so I get impatient fairly quickly. Unfortunately, this forces me to have several goals at one time, maybe too many. I'm one of those people who read 10 books at once, because they are all too enticing to not be opened immediately. Isn't the best part of reading a book the beginning and the end? I know, I'm weird, I don't prefer the climax... Well, I have learned that this impatient approach to the challenges of my life isn't doing me any good and is actually inhibits me from focusing.

It was after the birth of my fourth child that I realized I could not keep running through life in circles. I needed to stop chasing "challenges" outside my everyday existence, because believe me, baby #4 was a challenge, a huge challenge! Let's just say he loved to cry...all day long...and still does off and on. But this forced me to rethink my daily goals and to start focusing on what was in front of me. It also forced me to truly discover what I love to do in my free time, which of course there isn't a lot of free time, so I needed to choose wisely. Not what I would love to do if I lived 30 different lives, but what could I do right now in this life. What fit best with our growing family of little ones running around. I needed to step away from my entrepreneurial goals (just for now) and relieve the unneeded stress. I needed to find moments I could enjoy with the children without worrying the laundry or dishes were not finished, yes, that's my A-Type personality and it sure is difficult to overcome those tendencies. And after many months of turmoil, I realized, no matter how tough it was being with my overachieving 7 year old (I have no idea where she gets it...) or my preschooler and toddler who fight, or the crying baby all day long, it was the only place I wanted to be. I didn't want anything else. It was extremely difficult for me to come to this conclusion, yet when the realization came to me, it was the easiest to accept.


For some reason, I had spent the last several years, believing I wasn't doing enough. I wasn't the best wife or mother or friend or member of society. I felt that I had been given so much, so I needed to accomplish more each day, but that is so far from the truth. I can't believe that was my thought process. I'm so happy and blessed to be a mom, and right now, at this phase is my life, that is exactly what I want to do (besides finishing my novel and a few freelance writing jobs on the side! Hey, I can't give up all my goals - writing is where I relieve stress). Even though I may have found a balance with my family, (yes, I know, everyone is trying to find a balance, especially moms), the desire to always have a goal will never go away. So now I use my children more as my goals, then my businesses. Aren't we all trying to raise good and efficient members of society? They are our future after all, and if we don't invest in them, the outcome might not be so pretty.

Motherhood has allowed me to take my choleric temperament and to find my many flaws. It's o.k. to focus solely on my children as a stay-at-home mom. This isn't for everyone, but this is for me. I have discovered that my stress level is less, my family is happier, and I have learned to love every aspect of my life, even the crazy parts, like when someone builds a castle with all my couch cushions or the boys wrestling and break a decorative plate, but I have found that balance. It isn't a balance where I can juggle everything, that's a misconception. It's a balance where I can focus on the things that are necessary at this specific phase in my life. The things that mean the most, the things that I love. Maybe it will change in the future, actually, I know it will change in the future. But I'm not looking at the future, I'm actually exhausted looking towards the future. There's definitely a truth to only "living in the moment". Don't get me wrong, my husband and I still have to plan for the future, but I have a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I can focus on the here and now. I have finally found my balance and I'm all in!

Grateful Beyond Belief

Written By: Danielle Silva Heckenkamp

Thank you! Thank you to everyone who has touched my life, even in a small way. Too often we go through life wishing for the next best thing. That's a tendency of human nature; the grass is always greener. It's unfortunate, because we forget to examine our current situations and the amazing gifts we have been given. With the start of summer vacation and three months of wonderful one-on-one time with the kiddos, I thought it was perfect timing to contemplate my life and those who have made an impact on me.

This morning I was in an area of the city that isn't the best, but I saw the most beautiful thing that almost made me cry. A father was holding his child (about 4-5 months old) and wrapped in a blanket with only his face showing, because it was chilly and rainy, while the dad was carrying a large bag, it might have contained the only items they owned. I didn't know where he was going, but he looked like he was on a mission. The father was very lovingly watching the child to make sure he was o.k., while also trying to not step in puddles and slip. This might not sound like much, but it was such a beautiful sign of love between a parent and child. A love that is missing in this world or hidden. We are so used to a love that only shows itself when it is self-serving. It didn't matter the economic or social conditions of this child and father, because they showed enough love and trust between the two of them.

Credit: Mother Letters

It made me think on the drive home, through the dreary weather, that the old cliche saying is true. "All you need is love". I know, I know, me of all people who doesn't care for the corny quotes. But I think we all have those moments in life when everything is going wrong, we aren't able to control or solve the problems, and have to wait for slow fixes. Then suddenly, something happens to show how each of our lives are intertwined with one another. We don't understand it all now and won't probably until after we die. It leaves us in a state of pure confusion, but also relief, knowing that everything has a reason and purpose. It truly does, because if it didn't, there would be no point to any of this.


Little does this father know that by walking down the street at that exact moment would create such a profound affect on another person. With that thought in mind, our every action is an example of good or hurt. How do we want to be perceived in the world?

After these deep reflections, in a quiet car before picking up the kids from school and the start of spring break... I knew that it was time to think more of others, and less of myself, which of course is hard with our natural self tendencies. To do more for others in small ways, ways that we won't see the effects, or be able to promote on social media, but ways that will create a better world for all. Then maybe someday, those actions will be shown to us like a puzzle, many little jumbled pieces put together to create a wonderful masterpiece.

I am grateful for a lot of things in life, but I am most grateful for my life and those near to me. The life that has been given to me with all the happiness, sorrows, thrills, adventures, friendships, family, and unsolvable problems. Because without each and everyone of these bits and pieces, it would not be my life. It might not make sense when I am going through the heartache or the celebrations, but no matter the event, each and every one of them have a sincere and utterly beautiful effect on my life and I am grateful that they have helped me develop a love and trust for myself, friends, family, and my children. Because what else matters in life than love?

When Times Get Tough, It's Time For Summer!

Written By: Danielle Silva Heckenkamp

It’s time for summer love, summer vacation, and summer adventures - to let loose without looking back. Who doesn’t want to have fun in the sun? We long for those brief summer months here in Wisconsin, no matter how brief they may last. As cold weather Midwesterners, we crave the sun and heat after several long months of winter, and of course, we are ridiculously jealous of our Southern friends. But for some reason, we keep coming back for more - how have we not learned yet? It’s about time to move to a warmer climate, right? Take me to Charleston! Maybe Midwesterners prefer this self-inflicted torture. 

After months of intense dreariness, dark clouds, and dry winter temperatures dipping below zero, the thought of warm sun, beach sand, and not having to bundle up lifts our moodiness and brings a smile. Those foreboding winter months force many Wisconsinites to retreat into a warm house, sip hot chocolate, and read the latest issue of Vogue sitting before a roaring fire. This may sound enticing, but after several months, the monotony begins. Yes, those Instagram pictures are a bit overrated. Honestly, how much hot chocolate can one person drink?

Sometimes it’s difficult to believe we have four seasons in Wisconsin. Spring is only a slightly warmer version of winter. So we anxiously await those days of sun, when it doesn’t take an additional twenty minutes to leave the house because a mitten is lost, again. Those warm carefree days when we can spend any extra moment with friends, family, and working on our slightly embarrassing Northern tan. Yes, we aren’t as austere as some may claim, we can laugh at ourselves. It’s that one time of year, no matter where we live in this beautiful country of ours, that we can have fun and enjoy life. Summer gives us an excuse for a vacation, for making family memories, a time when we no longer focus solely on working, but on enjoying the simple pleasures of life.

Summer is that amazing time when the beach welcomes us no matter how cool the water may feel, a blended strawberry daiquiri tastes much better while lounging next to a pool, and a pair of sandals become a wardrobe staple. It’s the heat, the sweat, and the sunshine that somehow have us wanting more, the months are just too short. Maybe it’s because living in Wisconsin brings too many months of winter and not enough months of summer love. Everyone loves the freshness of spring and the anticipation of warm weather to come, but summer brings something extra special. Summer brings a place for new beginnings, a time for creating lasting memories, unlike any we have previously experienced. The summer months have provided some amazing, out of this world exploits. The type of memories that mold us into the people we are or who are about to become - similar to a true friend. Summer is a good lasting friendship. It forces us to take a step out of the norm, and enjoy this unknown world.

Friendship and summer have much more in common than anyone could imagine. The type of friendship we search for our entire lives, but oftentimes never find. We may have plenty of acquaintances, and even a few people we feel confident enough to share some of our deepest secrets. But finding that true everlasting friend, is like finding a needle in the haystack. Summer is full of confidence, unforgettable moments, adventures, and with an intense desire to indulge. It doesn’t matter how long one is parted from a true friend, the strong bond will return. Summer gives us promises of acceptance and forgiveness - those overwhelming hot days are cooled off by an intense evening thunderstorm.

There have been many great summers in my life, ones that involved goofy high school friends, others that included many late night college parties, but one of the best was shared with a good friend, actually a “best friend”. I have always felt a bit silly saying “best friend” since the term was used so freely in grade school, but maybe it’s also a bit odd because once we reach adulthood, a “best friend” is almost impossible to find. Luckily, I have been blessed with such a gift!

This “best friend” knows when to give a hug, when to make me laugh so hard I’m crying, and even though she may know my flaws, for some reason, she still chooses to overlook them. But friendship isn’t a one-way street. It involves a commitment, a lack of self-interest, with the desire to be a part of this person’s life through thick and thin. Just like the season of summer. After months of struggling through the doldrums of winter, the summer sun shines through those gloomy clouds, and all is well.  But if we don’t take a moment to enjoy the sun and venture outside, it is only another day. Everyone needs a best friend, especially women. We go through life judging ourselves, looking at every minute detail in the hopes of reaching ridiculous expectations. We are often the hardest on ourselves and this is where a best friend steps in, she knows when it is just too much and calms the storm. 

The season of summer may bring the expectations of swimsuit weather and all that comes with it, but it also gives us a reprieve from the storm - the winter storm. Somehow, just when we think it’s too much to live through another cloudy day, the summer sun finds its way through the clouds to lift our spirits. As my “best friend” often says, “When tough times come, you will find your true friends.” 

We're Back!

Exciting news, we are back on the blog! We apologize, it has been over a year since our last post, but wow, what a year it has been. We have been through a lot, learned a lot, and have so much to tell.

It all started 2 years ago when Katy and I had a dream, actually anyone who knows us will correct that statement. We actually have several dreams, some come true and some don't, but this dream did come true. After almost a year in the works of business preparations and searching for a space to lease, we opened an art studio! This concept came after much deliberation, as we both have a love for the arts. Throughout this process, we have learned so much. We have transformed the studio into a creative space which offers a variety of class options for adults and children. Our love for children (yes, we have 7 children between the two of us) had us focus our attention on furthering the arts to young minds. The studio offers a variety of art classes, dance classes, tea parties, summer camps, floral design classes, creative writing courses, photography, and of course, an option for private parties. What was once a dream has now become a reality!

That's not all the news. Can you believe there's more? Well, the day after the lease was signed for the studio, I found out I was expecting baby #4, surprise! Best surprise ever! The little one just turned four months and he is most definitely giving me a run for my money. Life is good.

With that being said, we wanted to pick up where we left off on this blog. Yes, we will continue to bring you fun and sarcastic write-ups about common sense and manners, but we look forward to sharing our experiences as mothers and business owners with you. Believe me, we have wonderful stories to tell.

Little Girls and Little Boys

Let me start out by saying that I grew up in a family of all boys. I have three younger brothers, so for the most part I spent my childhood playing with boys. As a little girl, I always wanted to be a mother of boys, probably because that was what I knew best. Well, now that I am a mother of three boys, it is definitely a different experience than just being a sister of many brothers.

I had always wanted a little girl, and my husband and I were blessed with that girl as our first child. She is such a help, and loves to assist her little brothers in a "motherly" way that comes instinctively to her (with a tinge of bossiness). I love her so very dearly, but it is absolutely amazing how differently little girls and little boys need love. It is very true that girls and boys are wired with some distinctive traits, which makes them unique, so lovable, and complimentary to each other. I am not saying that all girls have the same qualities and all boys have the same qualities, but I have noticed significant similarities.

Little Girls

     My daughter shows love through gifts, especially drawing pictures and wrapping presents. It doesn't matter what the gift is, she just loves to prepare it and give it. This is definitely one of her love languages, but it seems to be pretty consistent across the board for girls.

     Little girls talk a lot! They don't necessarily need to have a conversation, but they need to know someone is listening to them. Instead of needing constant hugs, my daughter just needs to know that I am present, not that I necessarily hear everything, but that I am available when she needs to talk.

     Above all, little girls love to serve others which shows their independency. This trait seems to come instinctively, but oftentimes isn't fostered correctly by parents and then they become self-centered. If girls learn how significant this quality is, especially as adults, they will do great things! I have noticed that girls feel accomplished and of value when they complete a project or are given a task. (It does helps that girls multi-task extremely well).

Little Boys

     My boys, show love through touches, kisses, and hugs. It isn't enough to only know that I am present in the room, they need to be squished up against my arm or sitting on my lap with their arms around my neck. These are the moments I love, while I remind myself to slow down with my daily tasks to spend precious moments with them.

     Little boys talk when it's necessary. For the most part, my boys only talk when they need something specific. I have noticed that one of my sons becomes much louder when my daughter is in the room. It is almost like he needs to compete with the noise, but when she isn't in the room, he's pretty quiet (unless he's in the middle of a wrestling match with his brother).

     The most important thing I have learned about boys is that they need to play, and play in a boyish type of way. This type of play isn't necessarily my forte, as I don't really care to wrestle or be wild, but it is important for them to do this together. Luckily, my husband loves to wrestle!


Boys and Girls

     Boys and Girls each have their unique qualities and different ways in which they show love and need to be loved. Interestingly, girls really never outgrow their desire to serve and care for others, while boys never really outgrow their love to "play". They all grow up to be adults, but their desires remain the same. These desires only grow with them - women learn to serve others, whether through their job or in their family, while men "play" either with their tools, sports, or friends. It's beautiful how boys and girls desire different forms of love.
   

An Open Letter of Thank You to ALL Moms

We spend a lot of wasteful time pointing out the differences between moms, whether that is in reference to stay-at-home moms, working moms, crafty moms, moms who volunteer, moms who bake and cook like it's going out of style, book-smart moms, street-smart moms, or whatever type of label you choose to apply, and there sure are plenty of them (actually too many). The mom "labels" are a little ridiculous, so instead of pin pointing to a specific "group", it's time to say THANK YOU to ALL moms!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving next week, and my refusal to celebrate Christmas before Turkey Day, I am writing a heart-felt open letter of thank you to all moms, no matter their talents or flaws - you are all loved!

1.   I am grateful for those moms who can play in the mud, race cars, and build castles out of pillows with their little loves - your are creating the architects, engineers, and artists of tomorrow.

2.   I am grateful to the moms who always have a spotless kitchen, clean laundry, and swept floors - you are an example of order and cleanliness.

3.   I am grateful for those moms who have piles of papers and knick knacks scattered throughout the house - you have created a safe world of distraction for your little ones.

4.   I am grateful to all those moms who kiss their sleeping children at night and tuck them in - these are the peaceful moments you will always remember, no matter how exhausted you are from the day.

5.   I am grateful to the moms who work everyday to make their child's world a better place - the fruitfulness of these efforts are long-term, but very much worth it.

6.   I am grateful for those moms who wake up each morning, still sleep deprived, but somehow reach for that cup of coffee (a true gift from God) and continue on with the day - you are teaching your little ones the value of adversity and continuity.

7.   I am grateful for all those moms who worry - those with uneasiness about their children, their husbands, their homes, their jobs, and their daily duties - those worries, no matter how stressful they seem at the time, are signs of love. It's only natural to worry for those we love!

8.   I am grateful to the moms who find time to devote and volunteer their free moments not only for their families, but also for their friends, neighbors, and strangers - you keep the world turning, burning with love. What a charitable example you are for your children and even the adults around you.

9.    I am grateful for those moms who love their husbands with an undying love, even through the difficult times, the exhausting times, and the amazing times - you are teaching your children one of the greatest lessons in life - a lesson of uncompromising devotion that can only be found in the family.

10.   I am most of all grateful to my mom, grandmother, my best friend, and all of the moms (and believe me, there are A LOT) I have ever met who devote their lives, their very essence, to the well-being of their children, their husbands, and their families. You have each made such a lasting impression on my soul and I have learned something very dear from each of you.

credit: clipartbest

Schedules, Childhood, & Newborns

It has been a busy week at our house, with the birth of Baby #4. We brought him home to the other Little Ones, and began adjusting our lives around his schedule. Perfect example, this post was planned to go up on Thursday and here we are days later...  It is to be expected, since the schedule of a newborn is never in line with that of the parents or siblings. It's amazing how such a little person can take control of the entire household just with his cries. Isn't it a beautiful thing that a baby can command a room? Beautiful and tiring!

When I was pregnant with Baby #1, everyone had an opinion on how to get that little bundle of joy on a strict schedule. Whether it was a feeding schedule, a diaper changing schedule, or a sleep schedule. The funny thing is that I never really cared to hear about these schedules, partly because I'm super stubborn and I don't want other people to tell me what to do, but mostly because I knew these schedules wouldn't last past the first few weeks. (Even that is probably a stretch). It just seemed common sense to me that babies will eat when they are hungry, poop when needed, and sleep when they are tired, just like adults. Why would we expect babies to be any different from adults? It's a bit laughable that parenting "experts" expect a baby to mold their schedules with ours. When it really needs to be the opposite, at least for the early months. Now, it won't always be this way, but the first several weeks, even months, is all about that little bundle of joy, and that's a good thing. Those early weeks are some of the most precious moments for bonding.


We have the rest of our lives to be on a schedule. Instead of forcing our infants, or even toddlers, to get on a schedule, let's enjoy those haphazard moments with them, because pretty soon they will be in school. It can be pretty difficult to let go of our daily routines, especially for those who have A-Type Personalities, like myself. I don't like to be late for anything, actually most of my clocks are set 10 minutes fast, because I prefer to be early (Vince Lombardi Time), and I love "to-do lists". I am very much a planner, but children, especially newborns make all those schedules and lists seem so silly. Ultimately, they really aren't that important if we are choosing to finish housework vs. spend time with our children. (Yes, I know, the housework needs to get done at some point...) It definitely took me awhile to get used to this thought pattern, not that I have mastered it by any means. (I still hate being late!) I have, however, learned to let go more as we welcomed more children into our family. Surprisingly, I have begun to enjoy life and the craziness of the children more as I stopped trying to control every aspect of our world. Who would've thought that it has actually become a relief to no longer be in control of everything.

Baptism Weekend!