The Active Virtue of Patience in Busy World

Most of us would think that the idea of crossing a road should be pretty self-explanatory, if not, then you should have learned that as a pedestrian, crossing the road when the cars have a green light is mostly likely not a good idea. It's actually probably a horrible idea!

Yes, of course I have a story to back up this post about crossing the road. Several days ago, while waiting for a light to turn green I noticed a woman standing at the corner ready to cross the street. Well, did she decide to cross when the pedestrian light gave her the recommendation? Nope! She decided that it would be smarter to begin crossing a busy street after my light turned green. Because of course pedestrians have the right of way, no matter what.... Nope! Wrong again! There's a reason the pedestrian light comes on at a certain time, well because that's the safest time to cross a busy intersection. Not only did this woman cross the road when the cars had the right of way, but she also chose to do so at a very, very, no I mean a very slow pace (age was definitely not a factor to the slowness, let's just say it was a smartphone). I was not the only unhappy driver to say the least, but I kept my cool and sat and waited for her. Because patience is an active virtue, right?

What's the moral to this story? Well there is actually more than one!

The obvious one is that the woman's inconsiderate approach and choice to ignore the rest of society functioning around her was ridiculous selfish. Who needs to watch for cars when they will watch for me, right? Wrong again!

Another lesson was the response many of the drivers wanted to relay or did display towards the woman. Yes, she was inconsiderate, but screaming at her was not moving her along any faster. Even though I was irritated, and it gave me a great topic for a blog post, it also helped me work on something that I struggle with each and every day....PATIENCE!

Patience is actually one of the most beautiful virtues, after humility! It may be an active virtue that takes some of us many years to obtain, but in this world of chaos, it is one of the most obvious. A patient person can easily be picked out of a crowd. Those are the people who find happiness in even the smallest disturbance. How beautiful! It might be a difficult virtue to teach through words, but it can be learned very easily by example. I may personally be working on this virtue of patience everyday with my four children, but I hope someday that my hard work will have taught them how to be patient and loving themselves.

Have a Safe and Happy Weekend!

Closing Out The Month of October with Big Changes

I don't know about you, but October has been quite a month. Typically, I love this month as I watch the change of the seasons - the chill fall air as it becomes sweater season and while I attempt those fun fall festivals with the kids. This October was different, and I am quite happy the month has finally come to a close. With the end of the month, we also finalized the sale of our home and completed a temporary move while we build our new house. These many life changing events are exhausting and I look forward to quieter days over the next several months before we have to move again. In the midst of all this chaos, I realized how little time I have to care for myself. Most moms are guilty of this and it's time that we change it.

I have come to a point in my life, with four kids, where I don't miss the weekly ladies' nights or the weekend getaways. Don't get me wrong, I would definitely love to do those again in the future, but right now, I'm happy at home getting the rambunctious kids to bed and then relaxing on the couch watching a show with my husband or pouring over a good book.

When it comes to New Year Resolutions, I have always believed they are a bunch of promises waiting to be broken. I believe in daily commitments to our family and friends, while also renewing our personal and spiritual goals. This is where I have been lacking, and where so many other moms are also feeling lost. We go through each day attending to the needs of our family, and by the time bedtime comes, we have little energy left to renew our depleted selves. This needs to change!

As women, and especially as mothers, we need to focus on ourselves, because when we eat healthy and exercise, our children desire to do the same. When we spend moments reading a new book, our children will seek to imitate our search for learning. When we spend moments in quiet reflection, our children will also desire this peace of mind and soul. Each of us is so occupied with our family, that we forget how important the mother's role is beyond just her service. Mothers show the love and they provide the protection. Mothers are the mediator and also the observer. How can anyone provide all these roles without caring for oneself also?

Enjoying a few last views at our old home.

With the end of a month, and the beginning of a new month, it is time to focus on ourselves while also caring for our families.

• Enjoy these last few weeks of fall weather and spend the afternoon outside enjoying the gift of nature. Teach those little ones how blessed we are for green grass and the beautiful sun.
• There is a time for work and a time for play. Sometimes the laundry can wait, but other times it cannot. Find the right balance.
• Remember that you are raising the next generation. What an amazing, yet daunting task! Take time to read. As mothers, we should also desire to learn new things. If we are learning and growing, our children will desire to do this also.
• Organization and Balance. Find what works best for you. Some moms have a weekly meal plan, while others like to cook on the spur of the moment. Some moms have a weekly cleaning schedule, while others clean as needed. None of us are the same, so find what works best with your family, but make a firm commitment to maintain a healthy and happy home.

The Building Blocks of Childhood

I am a strong believer in children learning to play on their own. Developed imaginations are so incredibly important, from this children will learn how to be creative as adults. So, I strongly encourage this in my little ones.

Now that the two older children are at school for full days (which I still can't believe), there's much more time for me to spend one on one with the younger boys. I forgot how much I can do with only two children at my feet. Our new found time has been spent on long walks, scavenger hunts, bike rides, and creative play. We pulled out these fun cardboard blocks that Santa delivered last Christmas and built several forts, castles, a bridge, dinner, and even a birthday cake!

I love to watch the boys use their imagination to create new worlds with these ALEX Blocks. We finished our day of play with ice cream cones for everyone!

Imaginative plays allows the child to use all five senses, that teaches children how to become miniature inventors. Maybe your child will be an architect, fashion designer, engineer, or musician. Help your child view the world in a positive way by the process of imaginative and creative play.

From The Kitchen: Weekends are for Family, Friends, and Food

"A picture is worth a thousand words, but friends are priceless..."

We are back to warm weather in Wisconsin, but I'm not going to complain. These days won't last long and then comes the cold Midwest winter. Labor Day Weekend was jam packed for the family - we had two house showings, an open house, and of course, family parties! I wouldn't trade all these crazy moments for anything. So among all the craziness, I tried a new recipe that I absolutely love and the boys couldn't stop eating it. That's an obvious sign it must be quite tasty!

Recipe Originally Posted by The Preserves Project on Her View From Home  - Savory Tomato Basil Tart

I added 3 eggs to the original recipe for an increase in protein. 

I have three growing boys!

Fresh basil is the best!

I can't get enough of fresh mozzarella.

Enjoy!

Sending Them Off To School With A Mother's Love

Just when I thought life might get a little easier with the two oldest in school for the full day, it actually got harder. I assumed having two out of the four kids at school for an entire day would make my life easier. I was wrong. It might be a little less noisy in the house, but my two older children, who have extremely creative imaginations are no longer here to keep the two year old and 10 month old occupied with games of house, kitchen, or castle building. Now my two year old needs even more attention than before, how is that possible? Because he wasn't needy enough before? It's nice to spend more quality time with the two younger boys, but I also have laundry to finish, floors to wash, and furniture to dust. And honestly, no, it can't wait until tomorrow, because we also have our house on the market. So who knows when the next showing will be requested.

Megan Ramminger Photography

I'm blessed to  have my children at an amazing school where I know they are taken care of, because it definitely isn't easy handing them over everyday. I truly thought giving up the reins would be easier as they grew older and became more independent, but it's not. It's sad realizing that I'm not needed as much as I used to be by those two silly ones. Then I get brought back to reality when the 10 month old starts crying because he's tired and hungry. Luckily, all my children are still very young and I have a lot of time left with those smiling faces. As much as I love the daily structure of school, I am already missing those carefree summer days. And it hasn't even been a week!



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The Innocence of Motherhood

I watch my seven year old daughter everyday as she tries to do everything "mother-like", as she talks about becoming a mom one day. This firecracker child of mine describes into great detail how she will organize her children's playroom, or what food she will cook for them and I can't help but smile. I love the innocence. Looking back, I had this same innocence at her age. I loved the thought of staying home and caring for my family. Of course, I had no idea what was truly involved with this scenario, but I was just like her - dreaming of motherhood. I would play house everyday, even several times a day, with my younger brothers. I was always the mother, just like my little girl.

Megan Ramminger Photography

Now, as I watch her play and talk about being a mom, I realized that I have tainted my own idea of motherhood and I need to return to those innocent days. Not that it will ever be the same as "playing house", but why can't I have fun daydreaming about my children's future playroom in the house we are going to build, or why can't I love to cook dinner, just like I did when I was 14 years old? Life doesn't have to be full of meaningless and dreadful tasks. Instead of shuddering at the thought of doing a load of laundry or making beds, I need to go back to those days of innocence.

The horrors of the world and adulthood may have tainted my view of motherhood for a bit, but it won't take precedence anymore. I am determined to go back to those beautiful days of motherhood. This approach won't make my work load any lighter, but it will make it more enjoyable for myself and my family. So instead of allowing myself to get caught up in this fast-paced world, I am choosing to spend my moments with my family. This beautiful innocence of motherhood will now be part of my life once again.

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Letting Go of My Organized Life

There are so many phases of life and each one brings many changes and unforeseen circumstances. Growing up, small children dream of adulthood, and they envision the thought of getting older to be fun and adventurous, and even though there is some truth to this, there is definitely not that level of carefree blindness that many anticipate.

My whole life has been planned, pretty much by myself, it's just my personality. This is a strong characteristic of my choleric temperament. I love to plan my days, my weekends, and even envision the next five years. Yes, I am one of those nerds who enjoys buying a pocket calendar and happily keeps a record of each upcoming month. Prior to four children this portable calendar probably wasn't necessary, but now it is a crucial part of my day, no longer just a cute accessory. Honestly, how could anyone keep an entire family's schedule only in their head?

Lily Pulitzer Calendar

My overly scheduled A-type personality, brought quite an adjustment into adulthood, in more particular, motherhood. I am not referring to the transition from college into a career, because those were the glory years. That was a time when I could try new things, enjoy my life with my husband. Those "honeymoon" years brought beautiful children, the opportunity to stay home with the kiddos, and many other exciting adventures. The difficulty came when I realized that it was impossible to plan out my life. Extremely structured schedules were just not possible with many small children. Schedules were needed with the children, but flexibility was paramount. My once perfectly planned schedule was now a thing of the past. I was only trying to stay above the rising tide and sometimes completely forgot about that little pocket calendar, until I missed an important appointment or meeting. A bit of humility never hurt anyone...

It was at this same time that I realized I needed to let go. Life was hard, really hard with small children, but neither would I trade any of it for the whole world, not even for my perfectly organized pocket calendar. I didn't need to be organized or right on schedule, even though it still drives me bananas when we are running late. What I needed was to start enjoying the life. A life full of chaos, happiness, frustrations, and pure exhaustion. This was the good life and it was only until I let go of that little pocket calendar (an overly structured schedule) that life began to have more meaning. I was able to focus more on my husband and my family, instead of the plans for the weekend. My daughter has this "planner" type of personality, which is a great trait, but I have also reminded her (and myself) that it's important to be flexible and let go!

For the Love of Cooking

Cooking did not always come natural for me. I learned to cook from my Grandmother, Mother, and Great-Grandmother, but that didn't mean I loved doing it. Cooking dinner every night came out of necessity to feed our growing family. Simple, right? Well, it isn't so simple for an A-type personality who strives to achieve perfection. I begrudging made dinner every night and it was pretty much the same dinners in a constant rotation. For some reason, I thought that a love for cooking should come as natural as my unconditional love for my children. Well, let's just say that I came to instantly love my little babies, but cooking was an on-going love/hate struggle for many years, until I decided to make a change...

My true love is baking. My sweet tooth always gets the better of me. There's something magical and comforting about delicately drizzled chocolate over a piece of homemade cheesecake, or a moist cupcake with buttercream frosting so smooth that it melts in your mouth. For some reason it was hard for me to appreciate the art of cooking as much as I loved baking.

Something changed after baby #2, after so many years of assuming that cooking was just not my forte. I realized that it was my own fault that I was not enjoying this art. I had never learned to love the act of cooking. Instead of understanding why I was cooking, I was making it a sterile habit. My change of heart happened one night after I tried a few new recipes from a magazine I had saved months before, but didn't want to try and fail (a bad trait of my choleric temperament). The entire process of making the dinner was actually relaxing, something I would've never imagine. My husband truly enjoyed the meal and continued to compliment me throughout the night and my low self-esteem in regards to cooking was began to disappear.

I enjoy being a stay at home my with my little ones. I even enjoy doing the daily chores around the house - it's an act of devotion that helps our family unit remain organized, so there was no reason for me not to enjoy making breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Just as I nursed all my babies, and did it as an act of love for them, so I should view cooking. It was my own fault if I lived the rest of my life being only a mediocre cook.

By no means have I become an award winning chef, but I love the challenge of trying new recipes, even if they don't always turn out perfect, at least my husband is a good sport. And I do have plenty of days when I am just not in the mood to cook, so I choose something easier and remind myself that I am doing this for the love of my family and that I am very blessed to have such a beautiful family.


"Find something you're passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it." ~ Julia Child


My favorite 30 minute roll recipe

Here is the original recipe, I just tweaked it a bit. 

1 egg
1/3 cup of olive oil
1 c 4 tbsp of warm water

2 tbsp of active dry yeast
3 1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup sugar

Heat oven 400 degrees and move rack to the middle of oven

Combine water, oil, and yeast in mixer bowl. Let sit until the yeast bubbles (about 15 minutes).

Use a bread hook for the mixer and slowly add the egg, flour, sugar, and salt. Mix for about 2 minutes until smooth. 

Roll into balls and place in pan, but leave several inches between each roll so they can rise before being placed into the oven. Let them rest for 12 minutes. Depending on the size of the balls, bake for 10-15 minutes until golden brown. Enjoy! 

30 Minute Rolls

Slow Down for Summer Memories

There's something special about the month of July. I have an obnoxious love for the hot summer months, maybe it's my Portuguese blood or my dread of coats. I'm not quite sure, but whatever the reason I wish this month would last forever.

Every summer seems to fly by, but this summer has been different. My children and I are calling this our Summer of Adventures. It all started when I decided it was time to slow down and enjoy these special months with the kids. The past few years, my two older children had spent part of the time in summer school, which was a double-edged sword. It gave them a chance to learn German, French, and Kindergarten basics, but it also broke up our day. Between summer school and naps for the little ones, there wasn't much time left for any adventures. The word "adventures" causes a bit of anxiety with my choleric temperament, but I learned a long time ago from my best friend, that "adventures" make this life special and they are even more important for kids. Adventures create memories.

After spending many months cooped up with a crying baby number four during the cold winter months, I decided this summer would be one big adventure with the kids. Not every day includes an out of this world memorable moment, because honestly, most of the days are only full of simple activities, but the best part is doing them together as a family and with friends. Where will your next adventure take you this summer?

Photo Credit: Megan S

1. Just Drive & Discover - Take a drive and visit a new place. Drive until you want to stop. This was our goal last week. I need to get my wedding band resized and instead of coming back home right away, we ended up an hour north of the city and discovered small Wisconsin towns. It was actually more relaxing than I thought. The kids did fight a little in the car, but stopping in a small town to play at the park was unforgettable. My kids had the entire park to themselves, except a grandfather pitching to his granddaughter. I felt like I was living the dream.

2. Catch Up - Many of us Wisconsinites hide in our homes during the long long months of winter, but summer is the time to catch up with friends. Every week we are planning on visiting new and old friends for a few hours of carefree playtime.

3. Soak Up the Summer Sun - I can never have enough sun and this summer we are spending as much time outside as possible. We have done everything from painting rocks, swimming, chalk coloring, gardening, house repairs, catching fireflies, and water fights. The more I step out of my comfort zone, the more the children also want to try new things. My oldest son decided the best way to spend an afternoon was to examine a dead ant for over an hour. (Whatever makes you happy, buddy!)

Photo Credit: Megan S.

The options are limitless for these amazing summer months and I don't even want to think about them ending. For now, I am going to appreciate these amazing moments with my sweet kiddos. One of my favorite holidays is this weekend and we plan on living it up with Farmers Markets, Parades, Fun Fest, Fireworks, Family Parties, and much more! Yes, I love the Fourth of July. God Bless America!

Written By: Danielle Silva Heckenkamp

The Beauty in Friendship

What is a world without friendship? It's a world of sadness, disbelief, and loneliness. As social beings we clamor for friends. Not the type of friends who bring us down or create drama, but the friends we can laugh with (laugh so hard we are crying), the friends who can enjoy sitting together in silence, and the friends who will never divulge our deepest secrets. As a teenager, I was quite naive. Friends were everywhere. High school and college was one big party. Those were the good old days when life was much simpler and the responsibilities of adulthood were unknown. Now my definition of friendship has changed quite drastically. 

Many of us reach a point in our lives when we really truly deeply need a close friend. The type of friend that can be trusted with our secrets, but who also won't judge us for those failings. If only it was easy to find that person. A good everlasting friendship will bring out the very best in ourselves.

This friendship can be found in a close friend, a sibling, a parent, a spouse, a neighbor, but whoever it is, everlasting friendship will never be fake, exhausting, or one-sided. True friendship involves a give and take from both people. This is the beauty of friendship - it is a perfect scenario for peace and personal growth. You may have many friends or only a few close friends, but when the times get tough your real friends will surface. During those moments of self-destruction or daily tribulations, only the people who truly desire you the best will remain. 

We live in a world full of selfishness, materialism, with a lack of generosity and charity. A good friend will never be found among those vices. If we want to find that beautiful friend, we must work to become beautiful people first. I'm not saying we have to become Mr. Wonderful in a week, but our goal should always be towards self-improvement. 

Adulthood brings unexpected paths, winding roads that don't make any sense and cause us to question the reasoning. Knowing that there is a reason for everything in life and having a best friend to hold your hand during it all is one of the most comforting things in this world of uncertainty.

It is almost impossible to find a good friend, but I have been blessed with one who has my best interests at heart and I want nothing short of the best for her. It doesn't matter what or who may separate us, because no matter where life takes us, we will always have this everlasting bond.

A New Start

Hi Fabulous Readers,

Thank you for your many years of support on Provocative Manners. Katrina and I have updated our blog and re-branded our image. Please visit us at Kate and Danielle Blog!

Credit: Journalistontherun.com

Provocative Manners: The Sauce of Life,

Danielle Marie and Katrina

Contentment is Not a Bad Word

Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and exhale. What are you missing in your life? I'm not asking what specific items you are missing, because we all have those moments of losing the keys, misplacing the cell phone, or forgetting to put socks on the two year old. No, I'm asking what you are missing from deep within the marrow of your being. Those deep caves that rarely see the light, because it's too hard to share those blemishes, those self-loathings, and those eternal moments of regret. It doesn't matter what specific circumstances created your interior struggles, it matters how you are going to get out of them. Some will always linger, and some are victory battle scars that we save to share with the world, but others need to be given up. Those internal struggles that eat at us day in and day out only to cut deeper into our self-esteem. It feels like there is no way out. But what if there was a way out? What if there is an underlying theme among many of us as we daily struggle through the complexities of life? An unspoken struggle of CONTENTMENT!

The word, contentment, has become a "bad word". It forces us to second-guess ourselves, our ambitions, and our achievements. In a face-paced world, where technology goes out of use before it was even introduced to the masses. Our lives are consumed with having the next best thing. What we have is never good enough. It's sad to acknowledge this is true. We have become a superficial society.

Contentment does not mean we are satisfied with having nothing. It does not mean that we don't have any dreams or long-term goals. Contentment gives us the ability to embrace our current phase in life. It won't be the same forever, but we need to joyfully accept the present. There was a time in history when both men and women happily accepted their lives, no matter their social class, the amount of labor, the hours of child-rearing, or their material achievements. There was a time when my widowed great-grandmother accepted her fate and worked tirelessly to support eight children as a seamstress. The loss of her husband's share of the family hardware store was heart-breaking and the family's lack of support for her working outside the home was discouraging. This woman didn't go beyond her scope in life, she didn't search to find a wealthy man and she didn't take easy street and move in with relatives. This strong, independent woman strove to create a better life and support her children, but she lovingly found contentment in it. She was happy and always believed she was blessed, because her life was beautiful in every respect. Life was not easy without a husband, especially in the early 20th century, but that didn't matter, because life was meant to be loved and lived. She found contentment in her family.

We must all search for our own contentment in life. It won't find us unless we choose to accept it. If we can find contentment, our lives will be much simpler, and yet much happier. That amazing great-grandmother of mine was right, life is meant to be loved and lived. We are social beings who desire to give and receive love. It's time that each of us takes this moment to examine our lives. Are we truly happy and if not, what would make us truly happy? If your answer revolves around material items that will only devalue with age, then it's time to do major sole searching...you have not found contentment yet. It won't be an easy task to suddenly appreciate every frustration and struggle in the name of contentment, but if you are seeking this beautiful state of life, you will find it. Contentment will never just appear. You will have to make many small steps, fill several large holes, but eventually with dedication, it can be found. The best time to start is now, so close your eyes, take that deep breathe and exhale.  Contentment is not a bad word, it's a beautiful and peaceful state of life.

Written By: Danielle Silva Heckenkamp

Give A Little Love

Author: Danielle Silva Heckenkamp

Take a moment to smile and change the world - any small act of love. Last week I took all four children to the grocery store (I know that's pretty crazy, right?) and typically my older two like to color pictures and give them as "gifts" to the unsuspecting check-out person. Well, at first I was irritated with myself because I chose the aisle with the crabby lady who wouldn't crack a smile. My first thought: oh great, she's going to ignore the pictures and the children will be upset. Note to self - address the situation later in the car. Luckily, my children didn't notice her mood right away and enthusiastically handed her the colored pictures. The woman apprehensively grabbed the folded papers and assumed they were garbage. She was about to throw them away, but I explained the children made presents for her...and then I waited for her reaction...you will never believe it, but her entire mood changed. The lady loved the pictures and was extremely chatty and kind to the children after receiving the gifts. These little ones who were so excited to color a picture for the check-out person (even though they didn't know her) completely turned this lady's day around. I’m sure every nearby shopper heard my huge sigh of relief.

This experience reaffirmed my belief that adults are jaded (yes, none of us are exempt). We rely too much on our emotions and creating lasting impressions. Adults are self-centered. We truly need to become more like little children and give ourselves completely to the happiness of others. I have heard many people question the deterioration of their own sanity by giving all of themselves to others. Let's be honest, society constantly asks the same selfish questions day in and day out. "What have you done for yourself today?" "How will you reward yourself?" It starts again with the uncontrollable reward system. Let's look at this from a different point of view. It's about time that we love for the sake of loving and helping for the sake of offering unconditional love. Working together, we can create a unified community. The more love and attention I give to my children and husband, the less I focus on myself and interestingly enough, I am transported into a sublime state of happiness. My love has grown leaps and bounds for my family over the years. The more children we have, and the more I dedicate my entire being to the welfare of my family, the more I love them all. There’s an amazing never-ending supply of love. Don't reserve that love for only close family and friends (even though they greatly deserve it), but spread it to all.

We will never regret loving another person, even if they aren't receptive, but there will definitely be regrets if we never try. So, instead of "paying it forward" only around Christmas time or a few moments a year when social media reminds us; it's time to give ourselves (all of ourselves) everyday. Every person deserves to be loved – family, friends, and strangers. We are social beings who desire love, so let's unconditionally give that love, while also raising our children to do the same, because ultimately, what is life without love?

Bucket List of Unconditional Love

ü  Invite a friend/family member over for dinner who is lonely.

ü  Bake your favorite cookies and drop them off at a neighbor’s house.

ü  Pick a handful of flowers and visit an elderly relative.

ü  Smile at a stranger everyday (you will never be happy in your own little bubble)/

ü  Enjoy every  moment with your family and friends. You will never get a repeat. Those closest to us are sometimes the most difficult to love, but all the more reason to show them respect.