Where Do You Find Happiness?

Written By: Danielle Silva Heckenkamp

Now that it’s almost summer it’s time for a vacation! My best friend, Kate, and I took a much needed break. In the spirit of being overly ambitious, we drove down to Dallas/Fort Worth from Wisconsin in a fifteen passenger van with all the kids (Kate's three, and my four). Yes, as I said, overly ambitious. We were prepared for the worst, after all having seven kids under the age of nine…something has to go wrong, right? In the end, it was one of the most relaxing vacations!

While enjoying the time away from the daily demands of life, I learned some amazing things. I might just be late to the party, but I came to few eye-opening realizations. Life is tough, but I think we forget to remember that it is difficult for everyone, not just a few of us. We all have different demands or expectations, and yet, we each handle these situations differently. No one's life is perfect, and I can't tell you how tired I am of reading about this subject. Yes, we know your life isn't perfect, but why is it necessary to describe all those flaws to the world? Let’s be happy and support each other. Dwelling on the hard times won’t make them any easier.

Without the daily demands at home (laundry, dusting, cleaning, organizing, etc.) I was able to focus more on the children, and it was so refreshing! Instead of pulling myself away to finish a load of laundry, I was able to sit on a swing with them and watch the sunset, or even just watchthem play in the fields. It built my spirit to “just be”. I was able to “be myself” and enjoy the beauties of life without distractions. It forced my choleric temperament to enjoy those small moments, because I typically have a never ending "to-do" list. The simple happiness of the children, brought me joy as I had the opportunity to watch them loving life.

If you have ever been to Texas, especially coming from Wisconsin, you will be amazed at the generosity, kindness, and overall joy found in these warm weather friends. I wasn't sure if it was the warm weather that brought out their constant happiness (as we Wisconsinites are a bit grumpy during the six months of winter) or maybe this is in their nature. Whatever the case, it was so wonderful to be around happy people, it made us happier! It made me begin to think that as a society we rely too much on finding inner happiness, instead of offering happiness to others which then comes back to us full circle. We hear the phrase "do something for yourself", whether it's a spa day, girls weekend, working out, shopping, coffee, but after getting the opportunity, did it make us truly any happier? It might have relaxed us for a brief moment, but when we return to our daily jobs, has it truly impacted us in the way we thought? Or has it just impacted our wallets?

One of the best memories from the trip was during our visit to The Silos in Waco, Texas. If you haven't watched Fixer Upper, I highly recommend it! But the most amazing part of The Silos, was the "green area". An area of grass was put right in the middle of the buildings for the children and families to play. It was amazing to watch the children twistwith the hula hoops and pick up a friendly game of soccerwhile making new friends. The families, especially the children, were the center of it all. The store, the offices, and the future bakery were all perfectly situated on the edge of the “green”, but the children were in the middle. It was beautiful to see what matters most! This, of course,made me want to support them even more. I purchased a few too many items. Shh, don’t tell my husband.

It's time to ask ourselves, where do we find true happiness? We are all different, and we will all find our happiness in different ways, but after this amazing vacation I have learned that instead of focusing on findingonly inner happiness, we need to create an outerhappiness, with our families, friends, children, and even the strangers on the street. Ultimately, it doesn't matter how we feel inside if we are not happy on the outside and vice versa. It makes sense that these two are linked eternally together! 

When Times Get Tough, It's Time For Summer!

Written By: Danielle Silva Heckenkamp

It’s time for summer love, summer vacation, and summer adventures - to let loose without looking back. Who doesn’t want to have fun in the sun? We long for those brief summer months here in Wisconsin, no matter how brief they may last. As cold weather Midwesterners, we crave the sun and heat after several long months of winter, and of course, we are ridiculously jealous of our Southern friends. But for some reason, we keep coming back for more - how have we not learned yet? It’s about time to move to a warmer climate, right? Take me to Charleston! Maybe Midwesterners prefer this self-inflicted torture. 

After months of intense dreariness, dark clouds, and dry winter temperatures dipping below zero, the thought of warm sun, beach sand, and not having to bundle up lifts our moodiness and brings a smile. Those foreboding winter months force many Wisconsinites to retreat into a warm house, sip hot chocolate, and read the latest issue of Vogue sitting before a roaring fire. This may sound enticing, but after several months, the monotony begins. Yes, those Instagram pictures are a bit overrated. Honestly, how much hot chocolate can one person drink?

Sometimes it’s difficult to believe we have four seasons in Wisconsin. Spring is only a slightly warmer version of winter. So we anxiously await those days of sun, when it doesn’t take an additional twenty minutes to leave the house because a mitten is lost, again. Those warm carefree days when we can spend any extra moment with friends, family, and working on our slightly embarrassing Northern tan. Yes, we aren’t as austere as some may claim, we can laugh at ourselves. It’s that one time of year, no matter where we live in this beautiful country of ours, that we can have fun and enjoy life. Summer gives us an excuse for a vacation, for making family memories, a time when we no longer focus solely on working, but on enjoying the simple pleasures of life.

Summer is that amazing time when the beach welcomes us no matter how cool the water may feel, a blended strawberry daiquiri tastes much better while lounging next to a pool, and a pair of sandals become a wardrobe staple. It’s the heat, the sweat, and the sunshine that somehow have us wanting more, the months are just too short. Maybe it’s because living in Wisconsin brings too many months of winter and not enough months of summer love. Everyone loves the freshness of spring and the anticipation of warm weather to come, but summer brings something extra special. Summer brings a place for new beginnings, a time for creating lasting memories, unlike any we have previously experienced. The summer months have provided some amazing, out of this world exploits. The type of memories that mold us into the people we are or who are about to become - similar to a true friend. Summer is a good lasting friendship. It forces us to take a step out of the norm, and enjoy this unknown world.

Friendship and summer have much more in common than anyone could imagine. The type of friendship we search for our entire lives, but oftentimes never find. We may have plenty of acquaintances, and even a few people we feel confident enough to share some of our deepest secrets. But finding that true everlasting friend, is like finding a needle in the haystack. Summer is full of confidence, unforgettable moments, adventures, and with an intense desire to indulge. It doesn’t matter how long one is parted from a true friend, the strong bond will return. Summer gives us promises of acceptance and forgiveness - those overwhelming hot days are cooled off by an intense evening thunderstorm.

There have been many great summers in my life, ones that involved goofy high school friends, others that included many late night college parties, but one of the best was shared with a good friend, actually a “best friend”. I have always felt a bit silly saying “best friend” since the term was used so freely in grade school, but maybe it’s also a bit odd because once we reach adulthood, a “best friend” is almost impossible to find. Luckily, I have been blessed with such a gift!

This “best friend” knows when to give a hug, when to make me laugh so hard I’m crying, and even though she may know my flaws, for some reason, she still chooses to overlook them. But friendship isn’t a one-way street. It involves a commitment, a lack of self-interest, with the desire to be a part of this person’s life through thick and thin. Just like the season of summer. After months of struggling through the doldrums of winter, the summer sun shines through those gloomy clouds, and all is well.  But if we don’t take a moment to enjoy the sun and venture outside, it is only another day. Everyone needs a best friend, especially women. We go through life judging ourselves, looking at every minute detail in the hopes of reaching ridiculous expectations. We are often the hardest on ourselves and this is where a best friend steps in, she knows when it is just too much and calms the storm. 

The season of summer may bring the expectations of swimsuit weather and all that comes with it, but it also gives us a reprieve from the storm - the winter storm. Somehow, just when we think it’s too much to live through another cloudy day, the summer sun finds its way through the clouds to lift our spirits. As my “best friend” often says, “When tough times come, you will find your true friends.”